The Stars That Guide Us
by redeclipse516
Summary: She loved her not because she was the person everyone wanted, but because of the quiet moments when her façade fell and the true Alison showed herself.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I own nothing except for my ideas. Everything else belong to the creators of pretty little liars.**

**Authors Note: This is my first fanfiction so I will accept constructive criticism on how to be a better writer for you guys. I hope you enjoy the story. R&R **

Chapter 1

"_According To Greek____Mythology____the first humans were created with four arms, four legs and four eyes. They had two noses and two mouths and they terrified Zeus. He believed they had eminent powers and feared there would come a day when one would take his place as Ruler. To prevent such an incident from ever occurring, Zeus split each human in half and left them to wander aimlessly around the mortal world searching for their other half. Their one true soul mate. Kind of gives deeper meaning to "You Complete Me__"_

**Emily POV**  
I was mesmerized completely mesmerized. I don't know if it was the way her lips curved into a radiant smile that broke hearts at first glance or the way her eyes sparkled so much that stars above us were envious. All I knew was that I loved someone who would never love me back. That wasn't even the half of it. This person was not only my best friend, but a girl. I first realized I was not the textbook definition of normal when I was twelve. While all the girls were checking out Lucas I was checking out his twin sister. Though it took me a long battle with demons I hope to never encounter again. I was finally able to accept myself. Though that doesn't mean I'm ready for the world's assessment of me.

The abrupt ringing of my alarm stirs me out of my thoughts. I look over towards the blinking numbers telling me its 5:00. Yet another sleepless night thinking about someone I can't have. Why do I torture myself? I get up stretch and head into the bathroom. After my shower I head downstairs to grab an apple before heading off to school for practice.

"Emily is everything alright" My mother asks after a few minutes of staring at me.

"Yeah, everything is fine. Why?" I asked my mother putting a smile on my face to top it off,

"Nothing you just seem quieter these days and you look like you haven't had sleep in weeks. Are you sure everything fine?" My mother persistent in her line of questioning. I swear her job at the police station has done more harm than good.

"Yes mom I'm sure I'm fine" I say getting a little annoyed at her repetition.

"Sorry I'm just making sure. How about you get out tonight and go out on a date with that nice boy, what was his name again?"

I looked my mother in the eye slightly clenching my jaw. "You mean Ben."

"Yes, now there was a nice boy. Why did you two break up again?" My mother asked

Taking slow breaths. I looked at the ground trying to calm my thoughts. First, I have to spend my days with my mother repeatedly asking me why I ended things with Ben. I don't know mom maybe because I don't like it when a boy tries to force himself on me after I tell him I'm not interested! Secondly, coach has been riding us so hard lately with our match against Brentwood tomorrow. Oh yeah have I mentioned I'm hopelessly in love with my best friend who happens to be a girl! No mom there's no reason I should be anything but happy. Exhaling slowly I finally manage to speak.

"Mom I'm not interested in Ben anymore can you please drop it." Before she could say another word I was out the door and heading to school.

Once I reached the school I immediately went to the locker room changed and went out to the pool. The cold water rushed through me and I felt as if everything that ever weighed on me was soundly ash washed away by the water. There were only four things in my life that brought on this cathartic feeling. Swimming, which makes the world seem inexistent. Music, I started learning to play guitar from my dad when I was 4 years old and not only continued, but started to learn how to play other instruments. When I was 8 my mom forced me to join the church choir where I found my love for singing. Though no one besides me parents and some members of the church know the full extent of my musical passion. Third is whenever my dad hugs me. My dad is the greatest person I ever met and I can only hope that I will be a quarter of the person he is. Last but definitely not least and maybe the most effective solace of them all is the moments I spend with Ali. The true Alison not the façade she puts on in front of the world, but the loving, caring and happy person she is behind closed doors when it's just the two of us.

The bell rings signaling the end of practice. I hop out of the pool change and head towards class. The girls and I don't share many classes this year. Only lunch and the last period which is English.

The bell rings and I head off to lunch. As a turn the corner I bump into someone. I glance up to see who it is and my mouth suddenly dries while all the air surrounding and in me disappears. Alison was dressed in short shorts even though they could barely qualify as so with a yellow halter top. My eyes ran up and down her body as my mind began to wonder into thoughts that can only be described as unholy.

"Em my eyes are up here." Alison says with a smirk on her face while a scarlet color envelopes my face completely.

"Uhh yeah I-I-I-I know I just really like that outfit." I say as I turn my face to the ground hoping she doesn't notice the blush covering my face, but the smirk on her lips tells me otherwise.

She looks around at the empty hallway, once satisfied she steps closer to me and I take a step back my back pressing up against the wall. The proximity between becomes truly clear when I feel her warm breath on face. "I'm glad that you like it." She says in a whisper as she looks down at my lips and I look at hers. If I were to move just a centimeter up we would be kissing. Just as I gather to move my head forward she backs away with a smile and skips off towards the cafeteria. What the fuck was that. Do you see why it is so hard for me to get over someone who repeatedly tempts me every second she gets? Both unconsciously and consciously.

"Someone please help me."


	2. Chapter 2

**Authors Note: Hello firstly I would like to thank all those who favorite or followed my story. You all have made me unbelievably happy and I will try my best to make my story as good as you deserve****. I would also ask that if you have any suggestions seeing as this my first fanfiction please PM or review with your ideas. Thank you and enjoy!**

**Emily Pov**

I finally made it to lunch to see Spencer, Aria, Hanna and Alison sitting eating lunch. I took my regular seat next to Hanna and across from Alison. I look up only to catch Alison staring at me with a soft smile to which I instantly reciprocated. Hanna looked over and the soft smile that once occupied Alison's face was now turned into the harden shell she pretends to be though not as hard as it is around others outside of this group we've created.

"Hey Em what took you so long." Hanna says shifting her so it laid between the two of us. This was also a regular occurrence seeing as Hanna class was closest to the cafeteria so she got here early piled her tray with food we both like knowing I'm usually late to lunch.

"Ugh nothing just got a little held up." I said with a smile quickly looking at Alison who I noticed was also looking at me. When I turned back to Hanna she looked as if she saw the exchange, but put it off to a later time.

Changing the subject I said "So Aria how's it going with Mr. Fitz." She smiled and started going into details about a date at a poetry club they had coming up this Saturday which of course set Hanna off onto talking about her and Caleb.

"So he did this thing with his tong-" Before she could finish she was interrupted.

"Hanna!" Spencer practically yell setting us on fits of laughter as Hanna did her signature _what did I do wrong_ face. Just as we were coming down from our fits of laughter Noel approached our table with a smug look on his face.

"Hey Alison" He said smiling at her.

"Hey Noel what do I owe the pleasure." Alison replied in a flirty tone which immediately caused the walls of my heart to crack.

"Well I was wondering if you wanted accompany me to my party on Saturday. That is if the infamous Alison is actually without plans." He ended with a sexy smirk that made me want to punch his lights out and kick him where no guy likes to be kicked until he isn't able to bear children. Wow when did I get so violent?

Alison paused and after what feels as century's she looked up at me with a look I can only describe a guilt before turning to Noel with a flirty smile of her own and saying "I would love to go with you Noel pick me up at my house at 8." Noel just nodded and smiled before walking away. I felt my heart shatter and immediately stood and gathered my things.

"Where are you going?" Hanna asked.

"I just remembered coach wanted me to meet her to go over some things for the game tomorrow." As I said this Hanna gave me a sad look. I wanted to ask her about it, but me need to leave was greater and with that I left the cafeteria without even a look at Alison. I made my way to the pool area which I knew would be empty. I sat down on the bleachers and allowed my emotions to take over.

Why did I have to love her? I felt tears making their way down on my face and immediately wiped them away. I began to think back on when I first realized my feelings for Alison.

_Flashback _

_I was at my twelfth birthday party sleepover with the girls. Everyone besides me and Alison were asleep. When Alison suddenly pulled my arm signaling me to come out of the room with her._

"_Alison where are we going." I said with a goofy grin on my face. I love all my friends especially Hanna whom I've known since I was 4, but I love Alison in way I've never experienced. It terrifies and leaves me breathless at the same time. I was snapped out of my thoughts by a tug on my arm only to see a smiling Alison pulling towards the door. I followed Alison down the stairs and out the house to the back yard. She sat down on the ground looked up at me and patted the space next to her. I sat down next to her and turned towards her and asked "Alison what are we doing out here."_

_She just pointed to the sky. I looked up in awe at all the stars as I looked back at Alison I saw she wore the same face I probably just had. I never realized how beautiful Rosewood was, but looking at Alison I realized nothing on earth could compare to her. Has she always been this beautiful?_

_Alison laid down and I soon followed which left us laying side by side sending what felt like electric jolts through my body. Has it always been that way? I looked up at the stars trying to distract myself, two of them caught my interest. One was bright red flaring and showcasing it's colors while the one right next to shined blue not as predominantly as the red, but not meekly either._

"_You know" I started off as Alison turned to face me giving me her full attention. "You see those two stars." I pointed making it easier for her to spot them. She nodded "They kind of remind me of you and me." She furrowed her brow in confusion so I continued "I mean look at the red one glowing as if the only star in the sky, but not so much as to completely conceal the blue one next to it who is glowing bright, but allowing the red star to show the world how beautiful it is. You, like the red star shine so bright that anyone next to you get the experience some of that glow, yet never outshine you. I on the other hand am like the blue star. I shine brightly, but never enough to out do you because I want the world to see just how amazing you are." I said the final sentence looking straight into her eyes. _

_She was quiet for a while. "Alison are you ok?" I asked worried I may have freaked her out. She just smiled that radiant smile of hers and nodded before laying back down. I followed her example hoping I didn't go too far. Just as I thought this I felt a peck on my check and looked over at Alison._

"_Don't ever change Em. No matter what. Promise me." She said with a pleading voice._

"_I promise." I said looking her straight in the eyes. She just smiled kissed my check again before standing and walking towards the door. "Come on Em we should get some sleep." She called over before disappearing into the house leaving me outside completely and utterly confused. I thought about the night and my eyes grew in what I would call comically if not for the circumstance. I was in love with Alison. Oh shit!_

_End of Flashback_

It was the best and worst moment of my life. I heard the bell and pulled out my phone to check my face once content I headed to my last class of the day with Mr. Fitz. As I walked into the room I saw none of the girls were there yet so I took a seat all the way in the back. I was in no mood for questions and just felt like laying my head on the desk so I did. After a couple of minutes of peace I heard the clearing of a throat looked up and saw the whole class was looking at me. Including four stares that had a hint of worry in them.

"Sorry Mr. Fitz." I say looking down sheepishly

"It's ok Emily just don't let it become a reoccurring thing." I just nodded my head

"Alright class take out your book and finish up reading of Lord of the Flies." I took out my book and ignored the stares my friends were giving me.

As the period was almost finished Mr. Fitz spoke again "I want a paper describing the darkness in man's heart. Whether it was derived due to the stay on the Island or was it an entity we are all born with. The paper is due next week Friday." With that the bell rung and we were on our way. I started to put my things away, but before I could leave I was surrounded by Spencer, Aria, Hanna and Alison.\

"What's wrong?" Hanna said beating everyone to the punch

"Nothing." I said trying to sound indifferent.

"Bullshit." Hanna replied

"Hanna!" Spencer shouted

"What it is." She says to Spencer before turning back to me "First you leave lunch with a flimsy excuse, then you show up to class acting all glun."

"It's glum Hanna. Glum." Spencer said emphasizing the M.

"Okay whatever. Glum, then you ignore us the whole class." She finished off. I looked at all my friends who were looking at me expectantly though I made sure to skip over a certain blonde knowing if I looked into her eyes I would crack.

"Honestly Hanna it's nothing, it's just with all the pressure from coach and my teammates constantly reminding how much their depending on me it's just taking a toll that's all." I looked her in the eyes hoping she'd believe me. She seemed reluctant, but reluctantly gave in.

"Alright guys I have to get to practice." I said trying to worm my way out of the room, but Hanna grabbed my arm before I could get out.

"Before you go I just wanted to tell you were having a sleepover at my place tonight." She said

"Hanna I don't know." I started before she gave me her best pout.

"Fine I'll come after practice." I said as she jumped up and down before hugging me. I smiled at her welcomed childish behavior and said "I got to go see you guys later." Hanna let go of me and smiled. I got my stuff and walked out the room without sparing a look at Alison only to realize that I doomed myself to a whole night of torture seeing as Alison would be spending the night as well. I really must love torturing myself.


	3. Chapter 3

**Authors Note: Hi guys I would just like to thank everyone again for following or putting the story as a favorite. So I have a general idea of where I plan on taking the story, but by all means send me your suggestions and comments and I'll try to do my best to incorporate them or just your opinion so far. I would like to give a shout out to Sabertuth and infinitefalling for being the first to review. I would also like to apologize for the late update. I just started my senior year and I have to take so many on to the story****. **

**Emily Pov**

Practice was finally finished thank God and I was on my way to the locker room to change when coach called me over.

"Hey coach you need something." I asked

"You seemed a little distracted during practice I just wanted to see where your head is." Coach said looking at me with her arms crossed over her chest.

"Ugh I just have a lot on my mind sorry." I said looking her in the eye.

"Well Emily you can't make mistakes like you did today. McCullers passed you without a second thought." Coach said starting to get a little irritated.

"I know coach. I'm sorry I promise I'll be on top of my game if not better tomorrow." I said with in serious tone. She looked at me for a second before replying "You better. You have a whole squad of girls counting on you."

"I know coach." I said getting annoyed. It's not like I'm the only girl on the team.

"Alright get out of here." Coach said before walking away. I took a deep breath held it for a couple of seconds before releasing it, a technique I learned to help me cope when I'm stressed rather than succumbing to the methods I once used. Shaking those plaguing thoughts from my head I hastily walked towards the locker room changed and all but fled to my car. Once I was situated in my car I started it getting ready to head home when my phone started vibrating. The screen showed an incoming message from Hanna.

_From: HannaBanana_

_Hey Bitch! You done with practice. xoxo_

_**To: HannaBanana**_

_**Wow really feeling the love lol and yeh y xoxo**_

_From: HannaBanana_

_You kno I love u and don't tell me u forgot about the sleepover xoxo_

Shit why did I agree to that again. Banging my head against the steering wheel I replied.

_**To: HannaBanana**_

_**You know Han I'm not feeling up to it. I just came from practice and I'm tired.**_

_From: HannaBanana_

_EMILY FIELDS THERE NO WAY IN HELL YOU ARE WORMING YOUR WAY OUT OF THIS SLEEPOVER NOW GET YOUR ASS OVER HERE!_

I flinched a little at the text knowing the last thing I want on my hands is an angry Hanna. I shudder to think what she would do if I didn't show up. I sigh and reply.

_**To: HannaBanana**_

_**Fine I'm on my way….**_

I pull away from the school and head towards Spencer's house seeing as we have every sleepover there. I take the longest route, but it seems as if I only get there faster. I park my car in the driveway and sigh. It's not like I can make up an excuse and go home for clothes or something. Since eighth grade we all have kept spare clothes at Spencer's in case of a sleepover. I run my fingers through my hair and exit the car.

"Well just because you're here doesn't mean you have to talk to her." I mutter to myself before walking onto the house. I walked into the living room to see the girls already sitting down with popcorn on the table and the beginning titles of a movie showing on the TV.

"Emily finally you're here." Hanna says as if I had been gone for years.

"Hanna you just texted me like not even ten minutes ago." I said laughing at the blonde in front of me while ignoring the gaze of the one in the love seat.

She stuck her tongue out at me before saying "Sit down we're about to watch the Grudge and the pizza on its way." Finally returning to her spot next to Spencer and Aria leaving me with the realization that the only seat available is the one next to Alison. I inwardly sighed before weighing my options. I could sit on the floor and have my friends interrogate as to why I'm doing so or I could sit next to Alison and pretend everything is fine.

"Umm Em do plan on moving anytime soon the movies starting." Spencer said. I finally realized I was standing in the middle of the living room with the eyes of all my friends on me. I just nodded my head before sitting next Alison on the love seat. As soon as I sat down Hanna turned the lights off and started the movie.

"Hey Em." I heard the soft voice of the beauty next to me whisper as her whole body turned to look at me. Without looking at her I replied a quick nod before locking my gaze on the screen in front of me. Out of the corner of my eye my eye I saw Alison's face scrunch up in confusion before turning her gaze to the TV with a contemplative look on her face.

About half-way through the movie Alison stood and asked "I'm getting a drink does anyone want something?" The other girls shouted out what they wanted. Alison's eyes immediately landed on me "Can you help me Em?" I just nodded before walking with her into the kitchen while the other girls continued watching the movie.

As soon as I got into the kitchen Alison grabbed my arm and pulled me through the door connecting to the backyard.

"What the hell Ali." I exclaimed finally managing to break through her grip.

"Why?" Ali asked arms crossed as she looked me straight in the eyes.

"Why what?" I asked trying to play ignorant.

"Pleases Em, we both know what I'm talking about. Why have you been ignoring me?" She practically seethed through her teeth.

"I don't know what you're talking about. Now how about we go inside." I said as I started to turn around. Just as I reached for the door knob I forcefully spun back to where I was, staring at a now fuming Alison.

"Oh really! That's why you've been ignoring me as if I had the plague." Alison said her voice slightly elevating. Getting a little peeved at her tone I replied "So what Alison it's not like I need to be around you 24/7." I could tell she was surprised at my tone.

"That's not what I'm saying. I'm just saying I don't like being ignored." She said taking a tentative steps toward me. Though every part of my brain screamed for my body to move, to not make this so easy for her, to finally grow a back bone, I found my body unable to do so.

She finally reached me and placed her hand on my arm, staring straight into my eyes she said "Em just tell me what I did and I'll make it up to you." As soon as I looked into those magnificent blue eyes of hers all thoughts and feelings of betrayal and anger were thrown away.

"I-I-I don't know. I'm just stressed and took that anger out on you." I lied

"Are you sure that's all it was?" She asked.

"Yes, I'm positive." Giving her my trade mark smile. After a couple of minutes she smiled back at me before pulling me into a hug "Good, I thought I lost you there for a second." I wrapped my arms around her tightly and responded "You'll never lose me."

"Good. Trustworthy friends are hard to come by." I swallowed thickly and tensed at her words. _Friends_, that's all we'll ever be. She pulled back and looked into my eye's again "Are you ok Em?"

"Yeah" I whispered staring at the features on her face, my eyes stopping at her pink lips before returning to her questioning gaze "Come on let's go inside the girls are probably wondering where we are." I said turning around and walking inside not giving her the chance to respond or halt my actions. After we got the drinks we headed back into the living room only for Hanna to run up to me and snatch the drink out of my hand with "Finally" slipping through her lips before she chugged the whole thing down.

"Hanna slow down." I said in an amused tone as Ali and I sat down after giving the other girls their drink.

"I wouldn't be so thirsty if _someone_ didn't take forever just to get a drink." She said lightly glaring at us. I just rolled my eyes and turned my attention back to the movie not missing the fact that Ali shifted closer to me leaning her head on my shoulder. My heart stopped. All the nerves in my body seem to come alive and tingle as soon as her head touched my shoulder. All thoughts about the movie left my head as I felt Alison's hot breath hit my neck as she got into a comfortable position.

My nerves weren't the only things effected by Alison's sudden movement and breath as I felt an all too familiar ache form in an all too familiar think of something else. A cold shower. _"Alison in the shower" _a voice inside me offered. My mind drifted to seeing Alison's glistening body. Oh the things I would-NO. Come on Fields get ahold of yourself. Think of something. Umm….Grandpa wearing a speedo. I physically cringed at the image. All feelings of desire immediately thrown out the door replaced with great disgust. Once released from my mental war I noticed the movie had ended and my friends staring at me with amused looks.

"Something on your mind." Spencer asked with the ends of her lips tugging upward.

"No it's just the end really freaked me out." I said trying think of viable excuses for my behavior.

"Yeah because the guy saving his girlfriend and then asking her to marry him is extremely terrifying." She responded not able to hold back the smirk on her lips while Hanna and Aria chuckled and the cause of my little _detour_ merely watched on with an amused smile as I blushed ferociously.

"Ok whatever. What's next?" I said trying to get the attention off me. Alison got up walked to the kitchen and returned with a bottle of vodka and shot glasses. She smiled before saying "let's play I Never." Passing around the glasses and filling them. My eyes widened as I looked down at the glass with skepticism.

"Ok. Everyone take one shot just to loosen yourself up and then let the games begin." Alison said soon downing her shot.

"Ali we have school tomorrow." Spencer said in a defiant tone. I internally jumped for joy and praised Spencer's studious attitude for the first time.

"Spence stop being such worry wart." Alison replied with a roll of her eyes and a bored expression covering her face.

"I am no such thing." Spencer said looking around at all of us who were doing a pretty good job avoiding her gaze "Am I?" She asked before taking her shot glass looking at Ali who had a smirk on her face and chugging it as our eyes widened in surprise. Great she chooses the one day I need her to be responsible Spencer to want to prove her rebellious side. After her Hanna took her shot next followed by Aria. The girls stared at me and my full glass.

"I have a meet tomorrow." I tried weakly. Ali just gave me look. I sighed before downing me glass. Alison filled the glasses again before explaining the game.

"Ok here are the rules, you say something you've never done before and those who have down a shot. Simple enough." Ali said "Ok who wants to go first. Aria?"

"Umm ok. I've never cheated on a test." She said hesitantly.

"Lame." Hanna said before downing her shot along with Ali and myself. I looked up to see Spencer looking at me with disapproval. "What?" I asked

"Them I expected, you not so much. Who'd you cheated off of?" She asked curiously. I smiled at her cheekily and replied "Remember that test in 9th grade where I got a perfect score and you got a 99" she nodded vigorously "I saw the answer key before the test and remembered the answers." I finished off having to duck away from a pillow being thrown at my head.

"I spent weeks trying to figure out how you beat me!" Spencer exclaimed.

"Spence chill." I laughed along with the other girls as she looked at me as if I was crazy, but before she could speak further about the subject Alison interjected "Though it was funny to see Spencer lose her shit over a 9th grade test. As we continue the truths should be more outrageous than cheating on a test. Hanna your turn." She finished as she refilled the empty shot glasses.

"I've never not had sex." I was shocked to see I was the only one who drunk on that. I almost spit out my drink as I exclaimed "You've all had sex." They nodded. "I know Hanna and Caleb mate like their rabbits, but how did you- when did you- what?" I exasperated after not knowing how to continue. Spencer was the first to speak.

"Well I lost mine over the summer to Toby we've kind of been secretly dating." She looked down avoiding our gazes. We all looked at her with wide eyes.

"Damn Spence didn't know you had it in you. Good girls always go for the bad boys" Alison smirked as Spencer blushed before saying "What about you Aria?"

"Well I was at Ezra's apartment and well one thing led to another and…" She finished off.

"Do you guys like bang in the classroom." Hanna asked with an accusing tone.

"Hanna!" Aria scolded.

"What its honest question. I just want to know that when I lay my head on my desk I'm not laying on anyone's bodily fluid." We all cringed.

"No Hanna we have not slept together in the class room." Aria fumed at her though it was funny because her face was completely red.

"What about you Alison. Who was your first time with?" Hanna asked as they stared at Alison awaiting her answer to a question I never wanted to know.

"Ian." She said simply as if it was nothing.

"Ian as in my sister's ex-boyfriend Ian." Spencer asked with wide eyes though I don't think it matched that of my own.

"Yup" She said in the same tone as before.

"Ali how could you?" Spencer asked with a disgusted tone.

"What's done is done and it's not like I forced him to do anything he didn't want to. He was after me for some time and I was ready to lose my V-card so I just gave in." Ali said in a tone and look that said question me and you'll be sorry though that didn't remove the disgusted look from spencer's face or the knife slowly and painfully chopping my heart in pieces. I looked at my drink before downing it and three others after it. Looking up I met the girls shocked faces while feeling slightly intoxicated.

"It's ok that you didn't lose your virginity yet. Do it when you're ready." Hanna said softly thinking that was the problem. Aria and Spencer both sent me warm smiles while Alison gave me a look I couldn't decipher. I just nodded before saying "Spence your turn."

She contemplated before saying "I've never kissed a girl before." To my surprise Alison downed her shot and said "What I wanted to experiment and see what it was like."

"Who?" Hanna said wanting to know badly.

"I don't kiss and tell." Alison said with a satisfied smirk.

"Emily are you ok." Spencer asked seeing as I hadn't looked up from my glass and could feel the color drain from my face as soon as the question was asked. I looked into my shot glass for a long time. I don't know if it was Ali's answer or the amount of alcohol in my blood, but before I knew it I was slowly pulling it to my face and drinking it. I heard audible gasp from the girls.

"Em you've kissed a girl." Aria asked. I just nodded my eyes never leaving my empty glass.

"What why?" Spencer asked in a curious tone.

"I wanted to see something." I said barely over a whisper not caring if they heard me or not.

"What?" Hanna asked in a soft tone.

I took a shaky breath as tears blurred my vision "If-if-if I liked it." I finally chocked out.

"Em what are you trying to say." Aria asked putting her hand over mine as an act of comfort. I couldn't help but notice Alison's sudden silence.

"I-I-I am- I'm gay." The room went silent as tears cascaded down my face. What did I just do?


	4. Chapter 4

**Author's Note: Hey guys let me start off by apologizing for the long delay for this chapter. First I got sick and was sick for two weeks then when I started to feel a tad better I got another cold on top of the one I had. I for one didn't know that was possible, but I can't explain it any other way. Then I had to read two books and write 4-5 page essay analyzing the books using themes and philosophical language, so I've been busy. This is not to make an excuse, just to let you know that I haven't forgotten the story, I've just haven't had any time to write. So without further ado here is the next chapter. **

**Emily POV **

"You're what?" Hanna asked in a whisper.

"I'm gay." I said more confidently, but still softly. There was a long pause before anyone spoke again.

"Wow Em I-I- how long have you been gay." Spencer asked I could tell she was unsure of how to word it probably a first for her. Before I could answer Hanna forcefully chirped in "It's not like she randomly became this one day Spence. It's not a choice."

Spencer piped up a "sorry." Before looking down at her hands. Knowing Spencer meant no harm and was only being her normal curious self I responded "It's okay Spence I know what you meant and I guess I've always known, you know. Somewhere deep down." I said looking at anything, but their faces until I heard Hanna start to speak.

"I'm sorry this wasn't the first thing I said, but Em you know this doesn't change anything. I love you no matter what. It doesn't change who you are it only means I have to start telling girls about how amazing you are instead of guys, but you're still the same old Emily Fields." Hanna said Finishing with a radiant smile at the end. This was one thing I absolutely loved about Hanna. She might not be the brightest person in regards to school, but when it comes to being a true friend you couldn't have any one better. I smiled a true smile back at her.

"Yeah Em it doesn't matter we love you and that's never going to change." Aria said as she got up and hugged me followed by Hanna and then Spencer who said "And if any one gives you any crap we'll handle them." I smiled as she decided to ruffle my hair as she pulled out of the hug. The one thing I didn't fail to notice was the silence and lack of support coming from the blonde in the corner. I saw Hanna notice this as well and was about to ask Alison what her problem was. Before she could say anything Aria piped up "So are we the only ones who know or do your parents know too?"

I couldn't hold back my laughter "Your joking right?" Seeing her face I could tell she was serious and continued "My dad Mr. Military man and my mom the most religious person I've ever met who I might add has a very opinionated view about the gay society. Yeah they were the first people I told." They looked at me with a sympathetic gaze before I said "Well we should really get to bed. I have a meet tomorrow and Coach would kill me if I came in tired."

They all nodded before Spencer followed by Aria and Hanna went upstairs. I was just behind them before I felt a tug on my arm. I turned and found myself looking into Alison's blue eyes. I gave her a questioning look. She didn't answer, but pulled me into the kitchen. My back hitting the counter as she stared intensely into my eyes. We were so close I could feel every inhale and exhale she took.

"You know-" she started off so softly if I wasn't this close I'm positive I wouldn't hear her. "I might not have said it, but I hope you know that I don't care either. You'll always be my killer." She ended with an endearing smile that melted everything inside of me.

"I told you something personal about me tonight. Something I never thought I'd tell anyone. So if I ask you one question. A question where you have to tell me the truth would you answer?" I spoke just as softly as she did. It was almost as if we spoke any louder reality would crash in and steal the moment away from us. Her only response was a nod. With alcohol still running through my veins I bravely asked "Why do you pretend to be heartless?" It was something that always plagued my mind.

She was quiet for what felt like hours though I know only a few minutes had passed by. She finally answered "Because if I wasn't where would I be today?"

I paused before saying "Happy."

"That's one thing I've always envied about you Em, you were always big on happy endings, but I know I'll never have one. I'm mean, bitchy and if I wasn't on top I'm sure no one would pay any attention to me at all. Do you want to know what my mother said the first day of Middle School?" She said with a dark laugh. "She said _you are to be the most intelligent and envied person in the school. Don't let feelings get in your way or you'll end up regretting everything you do, don't worry they only make you stupid anyway. You must uphold our family name, but the most important thing is to make sure you're __**never**__ forgotten darling._ All the while she was pampering over me to make sure I looked perfect and the last thing she said to me before I left was _you should probably lose some weight while you're at it_. " She stepped away causing a gap to develop between us. Tears started to flow from her eyes.

"Are you really willing to lose yourself just to be remembered?" She didn't answer right away only giving me a sad smile.

"It's the only thing I can do. Spencer is the most intelligent person in our grade. You wouldn't believe how much my mom yelled at me when she found out. _This_ is the only thing I have Em. It's the only thing keeping me from forever being forgotten." As she ended I stepped closer so the gap was once again closed. I pulled my hands up to her face and started to wipe away the tears as I said "You shouldn't keep your feelings behind walls Ali. That's not living. That just floating by living on the expectations of others and not yourself. Can't you see how amazing you are?" She just laughed.

"I wish I had the power to show you yourself through my eyes. Then and only then would you see how special you are when you're not hiding behind walls." I said while wiping away the last stray tear.

"Maybe I'm just waiting to see who cares enough to break them down." Before I could respond she said "We should really get some sleep." She turned away and went to upstairs. I just stayed downstairs trying to process the information I just received. I finally snapped out of it and went upstairs to get some well-deserved sleep. When I got to Spencer's room everyone else had already gone to sleep. I just plopped down on the floor next to Hanna and fell asleep wondering what the morning would bring.

**I hoped you liked it. Let me know what you think **


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